hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
