I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
