Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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