1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
