I CAN MOONWALK!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
