if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
