The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
