i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
