Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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