Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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