My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
