He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
