he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
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I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
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We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?