I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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