So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.