More tranny stories later!
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
