At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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