Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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