We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
