you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
