I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
