Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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