im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
