Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
