My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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