she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
