he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
