i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
