I CAN MOONWALK!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
