Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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