My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
