It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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