he thought i was a dude.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
