bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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