I think my fart just growled at me.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Found your dick twin last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
