i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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