I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
