It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you didnt know i had herpes?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
