Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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