i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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