i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
