I just made out with a guy for $7.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
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one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
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You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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