why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
