someone threw a dead crab at me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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