So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You work out of a Hotel?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
