It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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