i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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