like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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