i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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