All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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