Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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