some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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