Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
