Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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