i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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