2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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