if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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