mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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