Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
