there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
