nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You're completely useless in the revolution.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
