I bet he comes in French.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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