I accidentally burped into my bong.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
