Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
