I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
