tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
